Countless reports, surveys and articles tell us that only 13 percent of shoppers will actually venture out into the chaos that is Black Friday. Instead, they will be participating in the second most popular retail holiday: Cyber Monday.
Sure, websites such as Amazon.com have already offered free 2-day shipping as an incentive for would-be Black Friday shoppers, but there are still plenty of killer sales online to compete with the thrill of waiting in endless queue lines, surrounded by the most disagreeable humans, shuttled to-and-fro like cattle all while experiencing an intense existential meltdown.
Here are some of the top Cyber Monday tips our staff at Every Woman Weekly have assembled to make your online discount shopping easy, safe and rewarding!
Stay Off The Internet
We know it’s very tempting, but business experts recommend avoiding social media for last minute promotional codes and discounts or adding apps to track the latest sale reductions. Why, you ask? Because social media sites such as Twitter, Facebook and other social media apps are engineered to collect data based on your marketing interests. As a consequence, you might have a difficult time getting better promotions, as frequent shoppers and fans of certain retailers do not get the same access to discounts as first time shoppers. It’s best to maintain a hermetic existence, off the Internet for weeks on end, until it’s time for your Cyber Monday shopping, as your Google search history could intentionally betray you. Internet addiction is a real thing, and like any addiction, it takes 30 days to break, and access is EVERYWHERE. A great way to overcome temptation is to take up a temporary residence somewhere like an artist retreat, with the Amish or Mennonites, or likewise, a strict religious cult!
Toss Out The Lists
Get your inspiration from your shopping, not the other way around—Forget the traditional Christmas list and go with your gut instinct for the best holiday deals. Let impulsive buying flow from beyond the ether, whispering to your intuition as you pile the products into your online shopping cart. You definitely won’t lose track of what you’ve already gotten, how much you’ve already spent, or who you still need to buy for! Does anyone among your family and friends NEED a Bluetooth Hoverboard? Forget the question, and forget sticking with a stick-in-the-mud budget. This only inhibits your ability to shop for anyone beside yourself! And always look for suggestive upsells and upgrades with your purchases—they are often required, fairly priced and will only make your gift that much better!
Bargain Hunt in Unfamiliar Territory
In our last suggestion, you were informed to ignore your projected budget so as to have a better shopping experience. How is this possible, you ask? By completely disregarding website security certificates (SSLs) or site legitimacy. Domain protection be damned, if it’s too good to be true, there is no reason why it shouldn’t be! What other people pass up is all the more for you! Ignore any apprehensions you may have in favor of a better price—this is how you will make extra room in your budget for even more Cyber Monday savings! Your credit and checking accounts will only thank you for your resourceful thinking, and will be in no way jeopardized by any threats of identity theft. After all, isn’t that what 0% fraud liability is for?
Take Your Time
Unlike Black Friday, there is no need for you to hurry or be first in line to make your exclusive and highly limited purchases! Cyber Monday is supposed to negate all which Black Friday used to stand for: exclusive Midnight openings, campers outside the local Best Buy in 22 degree weather, and surprising acts of mass violence. Since it is online, that means there is an unlimited supply, so make sure to sleep in and meander over a lazy breakfast—in fact, you could even leave it for the very end of the night if you still apprehensive about your prospective purchases. Just relax, and enjoy your shopping from the comfort of your own home, without actually having to deal with people, or longer than projected shipping times!
For those of you who don’t have the benefit of leisurely Cyber Monday shopping because you are busy working, no worries! Take some time on the company’s computer and Internet access to get the shopping out of the way while at work! There is no way they could track your internet access, even in private browsing mode, and even if they did, rest assured they will look the other way in complete understanding of your need to acquire material possessions. After all, think of the savings! There are much more important things to worry about besides your addiction to retail therapy!
Thank you, dear readers, for checking in with our Top 5 Cyber Monday Tips! We hope that you have fun, uninhibited online shopping binge and thoroughly enjoy that uncomfortable scorching sensation in your pants as you happily burn holes in your wallets.