New Study Shows Women’s Pubic Hair Contains 30% Fecal Matter

A new study out of Vermont’s Women’s Educational Ministry reveals the average women’s pubic hair is not only teeming with bacteria, but is also encrusted with an alarming amount of fecal material.

These findings surfaced after hundreds of pubic hair samples were taken from college attendees in the Vermont area. It was revealed that most women’s nether regions are host to a startling number of dangerous bacteria.

Susan Hunt, head microbiologist involved in the research elaborated on the troubling discovery. “In most samples we detected the presence of not only e.coli, but also salmonella, tetanus, staphylococcus, streptococcus. The list goes on and on. I’m amazed that our emergency rooms aren’t overflowing with people who have life threatening infections. It’s truly a testament to the resilience of the human immune system.”

Katherine Watkins was responsible for harvesting pubic hair samples from the study’s participants. Watkins explained in depth what she believes may cause the excess microbes on the average woman’s genitalia.

“Many women simply do not follow proper hygienic measures, especially after using the restroom. The vagina is in such close proximity to the anus that contamination is nearly unavoidable. Really, the only way to remedy these issues is to use anti-bacterial wipes on a regular basis.”

Women are being encouraged to either maintain a shaved pubic area, or wash their genitals with hot water and a strong disinfectant several times a day. Steamy showers are also recommended after each bowel movement as well as after engaging in sexual intercourse.

Katherine went on to say, “Condoms may protect women from STI’s but they don’t necessarily provide protection against the infections that can be caused after all that bacteria is swirled into a froth during intercourse. It is best to wash as much of it away as you can before your reproductive organs become overrun with dangerous microbes.”


Jane Agni

Jane Agni

Jane M. Agni is a professional journalist residing in the rain-soaked city of Portland, Oregon. She is currently Editor-In-Chief of the websites, Every Woman Weekly, and Self-Worth Digest, in addition to being Senior Journalist for the infamous news satire site, National Report. Follow Jane on Facebook, Twitter, and Google Plus for daily updates on new articles and more.


  1. what a bunch of bullshit! im proud of my body hair and never shave it and I definitely dont have SHIT in it! you are SO SICK for spreading this MRA propaganda!

    • People who walk around dangerously dirty are a threat to people who wash. I cannot believe I am reading someone who is female and happy to be dirty. Luckily I don’t go near skanks.

  2. I bet you were so quick to jump on the “beards are bacteria laden” bandwagon, eh Marcy? Can’t handle a little scientific fact?

  3. WOW! Even more reason to go MGTOW. Women need to learn hygiene, feminist are a bunch of shitty pussies, literally!

    • You’re a gay man over an article that literally picked from a handful of girls in Vermont? They probably picked the grimmest looking women…. Horrible excuse to go gay.

    • Don’t be an idiot. Weren’t you born gay? How is this exactly why you are gay? And the truly ironic thing is you are grossed out thinking of women having fecal matter in their pubic hair but you as a gay man put your manhood inside the actual hole were feces comes out therefore contaminated with fecal matter.

  4. Re: The comments in this article:

    Just exactly when did proper hygiene become politicized?

  5. This is nothing more than patriarchal propaganda to indulge their sick pre pubescent fetishes with shaving. I’d like to see the data from this study. I’m positive that it’s been overseen and manipulated by old perverted men!

    • while i agree this study seems far fetched~ they mention within the article itself that the study was conducted by a female.

  6. I will NEVER shave my lush bush! I don’t care what these so called researchers have to say! More old white men telling women what they need to do with their bodies!

    • A) this ‘study’ was conducted by a female.

      b) This is so obviously satire…not real.

  7. Professional copy editor to professional journalist, you need to do some fact checks. The “Vermont Women’s Educational Ministry” doesn’t seem to exist. Neither does “Susan Hunt” the microbiologist.
    What’s the name of the study, and where was it published?

  8. “the only way to remedy these issues is to use anti-bacterial wipes on a regular basis”..NO, the only way is to introduce fu***ng bidets in countries that still, for some reason, pretend that they weren’t invented 3 centuries ago.

    • No shit. Literally. Wtf is wrong with this country that we don’t have bidets. Though in some parts I imagine the rednecks might think they were drinking fountains.

  9. This article misinforms. 30% of college women at one particular college have fecal matter in their pubes and yeah, that’s gross. But before we decide on the public urgency of doing something different than we’ve been doing in the more than 50,000 years our species has survived, let’s widen our lens a bit and look at the three glaring issues with this article, not including that the recommendations don’t come from a doctor, but from a pube researcher of unknown credibility.

    1. Anti-bacterials. These kill off the good bacteria which comprise that amazing immune system mentioned in the article, allowing an empty canvas for opportunistic harmful bacteria to proliferate. If anything, you want to encourage the healthy bacteria, not use dangerous chemicals (anti-bacs) near your mucous membranes. How do you do this? Eat more probiotics: kefir, yogurt, unpasteurized cultured veggies like kraut/kimchi.

    2. We have a global water shortage that will only get worse. Recommending steamy hot showers multiple times daily is irresponsible, at minimum. Again, we have persisted without multiple daily showers for tens of thousands of years. Clearly our bodies know how to manage harmful microbes somewhat. Just to be snarky, what should women in desert countries who have only 5 gallons of water daily be doing, O Learned Pube Researcher?

    3. Fear mongering. This article, not evidence-based, aims to put people in fear of our lovely nether regions, when we are the most hygienic now vs. our long history. Women are being encouraged to shave (by whom? Some random woman? Based on her personal gross-out factor?) We are told we have to address these microbes now before they take over! Ridiculous.

    Live a healthy life. Sleep well, eat well, manage stress, exercise, bathe regularly. Eat some probiotics. And your vaginas, plus all the lovely parts outside of your vaginas (vulva, more or less) will be just fine.

    • Don’t tell yourself this. Showering is a basic necessity and if you keep it down to the five minute range you have enough time to wash the shit out of your stinky pussy

      you sound like a feminist so you have no right to call yourself a “voice of reason” I wish you and your feminists species a happy extinction. Go crawl back into your cave you sasquatch

  10. The problem is not how clean and proud of your hair you are, and it’s not about having shit in it. Bacteria are all over the place and most countries of the world should EVOLVE and install a BIDET!!! Is it possible that people don’t understand that?!?! Man, how can you live without it mainly during the period time! Please countries outside Italy, evolve, it’s 2015!

    • Spain and Portugal have them as well! But it’s not enough, they should be all over the world!

  11. The Vermont Women’s Educational Ministry does not appear to exist, nor does Susan Hunt show up on the internet as a microbiologist in Vermont EXCEPT in this clearly fictional article.

  12. It would seem that Jane Agni is a satirist, and is similar to The Onion. Her article on the 3 year old transgender child is quite witty.

  13. Guys. It’s fake. Google Jane Agni. Everything on this website is satire made to make you breath really heavy and type fast on your keyboard. Is it working?

  14. Good thing I shave my nethers and shower everyday I am glad I am clean just have shaved or a balder nether region if you want to stay clean I always trim or shave off my pubic hair so that it doesn’t get contaminated with period blood or feces and I shower every single day and wash down there with a washcloth. Ladies don’t be nasty keep your vagina clean and shaven.

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