How To Determine If You’ve Had Too Many Sexual Partners – Go Ask Jane

Dear Jane,

I’ve been going through an existential crisis for the past several weeks and I’m really hoping you can help me out.

So, I’ve been dating a guy for about two months now and I’m really, really into him. Doesn’t sound like a problem, right? Well, in the past (and even up until this current relationship) I’ve been, how shall you say, a bit lax on who I’ve went to bed with.

I’m just an easy going gal who’s into trying out new things, enjoying life, partying all of it relatively harmless I would think…

The wonderful man I’m currently dating has absolutely no idea about my past as a hussy and I’m not sure how or even if I should inform him about it. One girlfriend of mine insists I shouldn’t and it will spoils things for us but I don’t know, that just seems so dishonest. I don’t want our relationship to be founded on dishonesty but at the same time I don’t want to scare him away with my sexual history.

My question is: Should I tell him? Or could it destroy the feelings he currently has for me?

Thank you and keep up the great work ladies!
Brenda Around The Block

Dearest Brenda,

Divulging too much information about your sexual history and previous lovers is a common and often times devastating mistake a lot of women make in new relationships. All too often a woman believes there’s nothing wrong with having extensive intimate knowledge of your local college basketball team’s genitalia and doom themselves to single-dom by letting these little tidbits slip whilst being courted by a prospective new mate. In today’s progressive climate women have been brainwashed into thinking that disclosing every gory detail of their previous romps with other dudes is the norm. Nothing could be further from the truth. He may smile and nod as you sit there elaborating for hours on end about your numerous flings, but in his mind he is writing you off in his mind as damaged goods. Good for a booty call, but not much else. Only a desperate man with no standards would keep in contact with a woman who unravels her pussy pedigree and still has the audacity to assume she should be treated with respect.

What you have to understand is the mentality of men and their genetic drive to dominate and possess utterly. You see, Brenda, no matter what they may say, women cannot separate sex from emotion the same way men do. It’s for this reason that each new male partner you allow to wreck your womb also steals a little piece of the essence that is you. It’s as though the man’s ejaculate has stained your soul and accordingly you’re slightly less valuable after each experience. No one wants to get serious with a lady who has shagged half the blokes at the club she regularly attends. Same goes for the broads who are known to perpetually troll for peen on internet “dating” sites.

All is not lost! Conveniently enough for you I have invented a formula that will allow a person to determine if they’ve slept with too many people for their age. My scale begins at 18, which is the average age of consent in America. From that point you’re on you’re allowed one new partner every other year, a number I believe is quite liberal.

For example, a 30 year old should only have a maximum of six lovers before they are considered a degenerate trollop. Alternately, if the person had two partners within’ a one year time frame. they would have to wait an additional two years before having sex with anyone else.

Once you’re a certified swamp donkey, all is not yet lost. If you’re say, 25 years old, and you’ve had 10 or more partners well then you need to slow down! That’s six too many and you’re going to have to wait wait another 12 years before you’re out of the whore-zone.

Not only do I wish for you to get screened for STDs before you continue any sort of sexual activity with other people, but I also hope you take my advice to heart, so as to not end up a lonely, bitter old woman who has given herself away one too many times. You’re better than that, Brenda. We’re all better than that. You lower the bar for the rest of us with this sort of behavior.

Having troubles in your life? Need someone to give an unbiased perspective on your personal issues? Send Jane an email at janemagnijournalist@gmail.com and maybe she’ll help you out in a future edition of Every Woman Weekly’s advice column ‘Go Ask Jane’!

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Jane Agni

Jane Agni

Jane M. Agni is a professional journalist residing in the rain-soaked city of Portland, Oregon. She freelances for several prominent websites with a career spanning over a decade. Jane's second book, "The RFID Jounrnal", is slated to be released in time for the Holidays. Expect another round of the hard hitting investigative journalism that made Jane Agni a household name. Follow her on Facebook, Twitter, and Google Plus for daily updates on new articles and more.

4 Comments

  1. Dear Jane,

    We have a natural product that’s made from some tree sap that can tighten the vagina.

    Would you be interested in a business venture with me? I promise I wont ask you to try it out.

    Kindly Consider.

    Thanks again

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